Jim Wendler

"I'm going to have to give you some Tough Lust here (no lube or spit). First, I need for you to re-read this article, especially this part: 

"Where performance and kicking ass are more important than how you look. Where people eat to live, not live to eat. Where trucks are pushed and sleds are pulled. Where reps and weight are counted, calories are not. Where running isn't "cardio, it's part of training and if you're going to walk for your conditioning you best have something on your back or in your hands" 

You admit that you are not strong enough (many of us feel this way but understand that it is an ongoing process and that THIS process is important). But please DO NOT be that guy who talks about where he holds his fat or how his legs or "obliques" are fattier than they should be. Where has our gender gone? 

What I would prescribe for you is to get rid of all these silly, pathetic and disgusting notions of what you think a man should look like and start over. I'm going to give everyone a huge hint here: no one gives a shit what you look like. Now I'm not saying being a fat slob doesn't raise some eyebrows in disgust, but if you kick as much ass as possible in the weight room and conditioning field AND start OWNING the fuck out of your given "sport" (you better start competing and making your training count), you will not only LOOK better but you will feel better. People are not attracted to vanity - they are attracted to confidence and passion. No one owns a room by the way they look; it's how they carry themselves. 

There is so much more to this, but PLEASE don't talk about your love handles. Talk about your passions in life, talk about how youâ??ve moved boulders, talk about the books you've read, talk about the world's you've changed. You have the passion for training, start making this shit count. 

I know this is probably way off topic then what you wanted but I'm trying hard to get rid of all this bullshit that is plaguing SO MANY men, young men and boys. So in conclusion, I recommend this: 

1. Stretch 
2. Lift 
3. Sprint 

Do this all the time - no bulking, no cutting, no bullshit. Just training for being a motherfucker. Don't be that guy that takes shirtless photos of himself so other men can drool on them. That shit is a disgrace to every man that has done anything awesome in his life - while they were busy "doing" these shirtless 'tards were busy trying to look the part. Get off the bench and get on the field. " 

Spot me. A life lesson I need to learn.

"spot me. "

  These are often the two words I hear the most at the gym besides the occasional grunt or "come on!"  At a time in my life I felt having a spotter was a sign of weakness as well as lacking courage and tenacity.  This was when my pride was at an all time high trying hard to be that # 1 guy in the gym. O how those times have changed. You begin to realize that without a spot, you'll never be able to lift to your full potential.  It's those moments when the olympic bar is on the cusp of your chest and the full force of the weights gravity is upon you.  It's a beautiful thing, the struggle and the teamwork between the man being spotted and the spotter helping you bring it back to the rack.  When you're squatting and you feel you're losing control but you have that person to help you bring you back to form, it's a great feeling of accomplishment and teamwork afterwards.

  Now in a way I would say life so far has been somewhat like the " spot me " situation.....except I haven't trusted the spotters so much.  There will always be good people around me and yet I know at the same time there will always be bad people around.  It's hard for me to distinguish people who are "good" from the people who are "bad".  You say to me, " How can you not tell the difference? "  Well they might not necessarily be good so I put them in the gray zone.  For me I like my shades white and black.  It's easy to know who these people are and where they stand.  I know for myself,  I'm in that gray area.  It's hard for me to be committed to one side and not have the feeling of being divided.  So I'd rather be off in my own world not seeing either sides of the spectrum.  I feel this is when I am the most alive, discovering and searching for answers on my own.  Maybe there is no growth coming along.....but I do believe there will be. People say life isn't meant to be on your own, be your own soldier, your own carrier,  but I can't help but wonder if that statement actually holds true.  All this time, I feel like I've been battling and there are few people along my side that have brought me through tough times, but for the majority of it I'll get the answers.  I want to have that ability to trust but there are things that are holding me back.  I'm aware of some of it but not all.  

Lord, give me the ability to trust.

Now why do I write all this?  To give my mind a rest and visually see where I'm at.  It's a mess and I'll have it no other way.  I'll clean it up. 

" Clean up, Clean up, everybody clean up! "

Look up in the stars

  I'm stuck right now.  I'm in transition phase of my life but not completely moving over to the next level.  A part of me is afraid to take those steps and accept whats happening and another part of me wants to be there.  Am I just confused or I don't know what I want?  All my life I feel I've never been satisfied, always wanting more, analyzing every situation, making sure I was in control of everything.  Now the ball is out of my court and into the hands of others.  Some things I will never understand about myself and I'm sure many people think the same.  At times I feel comfortable in this skin and yet there are times where I'm just dying to get out.  This is one of those times where I want to claw myself out..... F it mate, I'll live!

Clocks exist, time does not exist

" I’d give anything to go back to the time when I had no concept of time— when things simply happened when they did. The time when you know that an hour is longer than a half hour, but you’re not entirely sure how long an hour is. The time when you slept when you were tired. The time when you ate lunch because you were hungry, not because it was 12:00. The time when you just lived your life, without worrying about a few hours from now, a few days from now, a few weeks from now. "
The place in time without worry at all. 

say what. O K.

  I'm probably not the best of people, which I know I'm not, but right now I feel I can be. It's weird, you make me want to be a better person.  For the short time that I've known you its been interesting and a joy to say the least.  It's hard for me to let anyone get close..... but there's something about you that allows me to open up a little.  I don't know where this is going to go or if anything is going to transcribe from it and maybe its just a summer thing, but you are indeed special.  You know there are many beautiful girls our there but not everyone fits the match.  And not many of them have a personality like yours.  I know I'm not suppose to start sentences with and but whatever. That's the beauty of it because you were placed in my life at such odd time that it just seems so surreal.  I gotta get some sleep.  Beauty sleep you know? Cheers.